EXES and OH'S IMPROV

We're off to Canada!

2009-09-24T06:02:00.002-07:00

Total Eclipse of the Chart

2009-09-19T04:15:00.000-07:00

When you run out of words, sing.

2009-09-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

Love Happens

2009-09-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

Much like shit, you can smell love once you've stepped in it. You become hyper aware of your surroundings, wondering if anyone else notice that love is on you (in you).

I recently saw this poster for the new Jennifer Aniston movie, Love Happens, in the 5th Avenue Station. Some lonely soul tagged it, "2 everyone else but me...". And it hit me how lonely people are in general. How people are hungry for love, so much so that they cry out on movie posters in subways.

Solidarity.

Exes and Oh's will join you in your fight for love. Let's step in love together. We can sit back and laugh while we watch everyone wrinkle their noses as they try to figure out where the smell is coming from.

What is love? Baby don't hurt me....

2009-09-04T09:46:00.000-07:00

I'm a new PRI: Sound of Young America convert. A delicious podcast that features interviews of people I like, doing things I like. Recently SYA interviewed Charlyne Yi about her film, "Paper Hearts," an exploration into Yi's theory that love doesn't exist.

The Sound of Young America

WARNING: I have not seen the film, but I will review it anyway.

I loved this film. Charlyne Yi is a woman who's never been in love (you can wipe that horrified look off your face now) and thus questions whether or not she's capable of it. The film offers, simultaneously, solidarity and hope that love exists for those who have it, and the potential exists for those of us who've yet to find it.

The cool thing about being a performer is that when we're on stage we can be, do and say those things that we can't be, do and say in real life. We can fall in love. Whenever we want. And we do. Every time we take the stage in Exes and Oh's. So, stop worrying about your own quest for love, and sit back and let us find it for you.

Save the Date, and Get your Tickets

2009-09-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

We have been assigned an official time for performance in the Toronto Improv Festival -

10pm on Friday, September 25th, at the Comedy Bar.

See who else will be there!

Check back to find out how to order your tickets for the lovefest!

Writing the Songs of Love

2009-09-03T07:12:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Soulpancake.com an Article by a penny for the old guy

The first time I fell in love, I was driving us home from the movies. I remember it being dark, with regular stabs of yellow light for every streetlight we drove under. She was huddled up with her legs against her chest on the passenger seat. No one spoke. I was about to turn off the main road when she said, “No baby, keep driving.” I did. Some minutes passed. At a red light, I looked at her, smiled, leaned in a bit so she might kiss me, and asked, “Why?” She didn't move. She had the saddest face, looking right through me, like I was already a memory, before saying, "So that it never ends." Her name is Tameeka. Her song is Drive by Bic Runga.

Memory is a funny thing: building association upon association, layering our senses atop one another, linking neuron to neuron, binding songs to images to words to moments forever more. Maybe that's why Tameeka—and everything about her—is folded and packed into that drive home. And that one song is that drive home.

With ----- (we don't say her name out loud), it was the night I fell asleep in her lap. Truthfully, I fell in love with her every time I saw her, but the sharpest memory is that night. She played with my hair as I mumbled, trying to keep the conversation going. Shhh. Sleep, baby, sleep. (I swear, if asked to choose between the memory of her saying that and all 10 of Mahler's symphonies, I'd pick her.) Her song is Wild is the Wind, the Nina Simone version.

Distilling the essence of a singular moment into a song is an expansive process. The whole experience of that person, the course of an affair, the atlas of a person's body, the dictionaries of words between you, that miniature history of two people—all of it captured in a song.

Then something odd happened. It was Vanessa's song—Gravity, also by Bic Runga. At first, it was just her song. But soon I found myself sneaking other experiences and ideas and memories and people and moments into it. Of course, it's still hers and everything I am grateful to know of her and have of her. But the song means more to me now.

Gravity is my song for the whole of love and everything that it encompasses.

Obviously, the music gets my heart racing. But it’s the lyrics. They're just soo ... real. There’s the bleak, unfair reality of having to say, I'll promise you what I can. No more than that. Just what we can. I remember that. I remember it from when ----- asked me for more, and I couldn't give it to her (and I felt soo small because a man is such a tiny thing when faced with the illimitable). Or the lines:

I forget myself when I'm with you/Please remind me who I am

Looking at faces and being unable to separate time and distance and fantasy—the dream of it, the constant sadness in my gut, the premonition of endings and goodbyes. Gravity is my song for love because, for me, love is pillow-fights in the living room; the sound of their voice when they say your name, how gorgeous it sounds; the heartbreak of discovering your own fragility—and wanting to be better, stronger, to improve. And promises you want to make, you dare to make, unafraid for once, in the face of time and making-rent and long-distance-phone-calls-across-datelines and every conceivable obstacle. Because you are not yourself if that person does not say your name…

Say my name aloud/And make it new/How strange the sound,/How strange the sound...

All of this… packed into 3 minutes and 40 seconds.

Homework: What song gives you the most honest and real construction of love? Describe its memory, its experience here.

:: a penny for the old guy

What Will You Always Remember?

2009-08-26T13:34:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Soulpancake.com by @doublemew

What have you forgiven, but not forgotten? via Soul Pancake on 8/25/09

:: forgiving, but not forgetting, by @doublemew

Love Application

2009-08-25T13:33:00.000-07:00

What if getting an S.O. was like interviewing for a job, and your qualities were to be boiled down to what you think your potential lover would want to know -

What I bring to the relationship

- I’ll make you laugh, a lot.
- I am strong enough to lift heavy things and hold them in place for a while
- I’m independent enough to leave you alone when you want “you time.”
- I like to try new things, or I can do the same old, same old
- I like beer, but only as a friend, not a lover.
- I can be serious when you need me to be, but I am not big on talking politics, etc. for extended periods of time.
- I like to cook and clean in the kitchen.
- I can drive stick shift
- The only sport I really like is soccer, but I don’t follow it regularly.

Not sure, but that may be it, at least of the big stuff.

What about you? What can you offer me that the others can not?

Love is Consumption

2009-08-25T11:14:00.000-07:00

Face-brake.

2009-08-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Define Romance.

2009-08-21T09:44:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of Soulpancake.com an Article by Lindsay McComb

I’m all for love. But love is not only about the passion (and don't get me wrong... I love the passion).

But passion is pretty much the only part of love and romance that London-born photographerChris Craymer focuses on in his recently published book, Romance: A Beautiful Look Book On Love. Romance features pictures of strikingly beautiful, real-life couples engaged in the physical act of love. Craymer says that Romance is “essentially emotional.” I’m not sold. While some of the photos have passionate, bright, even smoldering compositions, the real problem is that Romance seems to focus on sex, not love.

“Romance, for me, was the perfect vehicle to make pictures which can covey a number of emotions,” Craymer said. “I wanted to try to make pictures which could be, for example, sexy, funny, joyful and also powerful and even soulful.”

He told Vogue.com that romance is about new love. “It’s the kind of love before you have any other commitments or baggage like a mortgage, children, past relationships, divorces, maybe even careers,” he said. “It’s the kind of relationships you might have in your first year of college, but it’s very intense, nevertheless.”

While passion and a little bowchickabowwow are a big part of romance, it’s not enough for real, lasting love, in my opinion. I think there was a lot more that could have been incorporated into defining romance. And I’m not talking about clichés such as flowers and dinner out on the town.

Bottom line: I’m not sure sure Craymer’s take on love tells the whole story.

How would you define romance?

:: romance pondered by Lindsay McComb

Arranged Marriages. Yay or Nay?

2009-08-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

What's your break-up horror story?

2009-08-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

Lost love letter reunites couple after 16 years

2009-08-17T09:44:00.000-07:00

A British man and his Spanish former sweetheart have finally married 16 years after they drifted apart, reunited by a love letter lost behind a fireplace for over a decade, reports said on Monday.

Steve Smith and Carmen Ruiz-Perez, both now 42, fell in love 17 years ago when she was a foreign exchange student in Brixham, southwest England, and got engaged after only a year together.

But their relationship ended after she moved France to run a shop in Paris.

A few years later, in a bid to rekindle their love, Smith sent a letter to her mother's home in Spain. It was placed on the mantelpiece, but slipped down behind the fireplace and was lost for over a decade.

The missing missive was only found when builders removed the fireplace during renovation work.

"When I got the letter I didn't phone Steve right away because I was so nervous," Ruiz-Perez told the Herald Express local newspaper.

"I nearly didn't phone him at all. I kept picking up the phone then putting it down again.
"But I knew I had to make the call."

When they were reunited, it was as if time had stood still, said Smith, a factory supervisor.

"When we met again it was like a film. We ran across the airport into each other's arms. We met up and fell in love all over again. Within 30 seconds of setting eyes on each other we were kissing.

"I'm just glad the letter did eventually end up where it was supposed to be," he said, after the couple married last Friday.

When all is lost, there will still be love.

2009-08-15T20:28:00.001-07:00

My grandmother suffers from Alzheimer's. She's in the early stages so the disease manifests itself in repeated questions, forgetfulness, kleptomania and, well, meanness. In this state her ability to recall details is very little, except when it comes to her past loves.

It is astonishing. She is able to remember the high school my grandfather attended when they first met, even the street address of his house in 1940. But to remember what she had for breakfast is a labored, if not impossible, task.

This phenomenon is demonstrated in a fantastic piece by WNYC Radio Lab: Memory and Forgetting. In the third segment of this piece they discuss a man with one of the worse cases of amnesia ever documented.

Clive.

The story of a man who’s lost everything. Clive Wearing has what Oliver Sacks calls “the most severe case of amnesia ever documented.” Clive’s wife, Deborah Wearing, tells us the story along with Oliver Sacks. And they try to understand why, amidst so much forgetting, Clive remembers two things: Music and Love.  

I think this is what we all want to have happen. We want to find love, a love that will last, carry us, and be the foundation of our memory and our forgetting. And that's romantic to me to think that as we fade in this life the only thing that will remain tangible, the only log floating in the river of our memories, will be love.

Who will you hold on to after everything else is forgotten?

64 Easy Steps to Breaking Up with Your Girlfriend.

2009-08-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

"Schmoopy Loo?" "Yes, Snookums."

2009-08-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

What's in a name?

As we grow closer to the ones we love, as our relationship blossoms into the most intimate it can be, we tend to drop the formal names in conversation with each other. How many of us have parents who refer to each other simply as "Mother" and "Father?" There are the standards -

"Hon"
"Babe"
"Sweetie"
"Hot Stuff"

But there are those who reach further out and really work on the perfect pet name for their significant other. They find new monikers for their loved ones that mean something to both of them; a cute inside joke, a pun, or something so endearing that it makes the rest of us vomit a little in our mouths.

My last pet name was Peeve.
As in Pet Peeve.
As in I am her pet.
I actually dug it.

It meant that we meant something more to each other, in so much that we wanted to have our own private names for each other. We had the "vomit in your mouth" endearing type relationship. When we broke up, and we both began to date new people, I asked her if her new beau was her Peeve as well. She replied that there would never be another Peeve. That was nice to know it wasn't a recycled nickname.

Exes & Oh's wants to know, what were some of the pet names used in your relationships?
And if you, like me, sometimes have problems coming up with a good nickname for your SO, we're here to help.

The Grand Gesture

2009-08-12T17:54:00.000-07:00

If you're anything like me,
you've fantasied about being swept off your feet.

Oh, to be the catalyst for a grand gesture and to feel as if someone thinks you are entirely worth it. Having a man pull out all the stops in an effort win my affection seems like it would be the wrecking ball needed to break down some of the walls I've build up over the years.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Baggage.

YAY!

Sky writing? Endless bouquets? Diamonds? Travel? Picnics? Fur? Broadway? Serenade? Singing telegram? Baked goods? Or simply holding your hand?

What would it take to win you over?

This Week in Exes...

2009-08-11T19:03:00.000-07:00

True Romance

2009-08-11T10:03:00.001-07:00

Love according to Patricia Arquette in True Romance

Alabama Whitman Whorley: I had to come all the way from the highway and byways of Tallahassee, Florida to MotorCity, Detroit to find my true love. If you gave me a million years to ponder, I would never have guessed that true romance and Detroit would ever go together. And til this day, the events that followed all still seems like a distant dream. But the dream was real and was to change our lives forever. I kept asking Clarence why our world seemed to be collapsing and things seemed to be getting so shitty. And he'd say, "that's the way it goes, but don't forget, it goes the other way too." That's the way romance is... Usually, that's the way it goes, but every once in awhile, it goes the other way too.

This Week in Exes...

2009-08-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ain't nobody's business if I do.

2009-08-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

I love music. A lot. Like, a lot alot. My iTunes playlist if chocked full of music across all genres, eras, and continents. Lately my "Recently Played" playlist has been filled with some delicious treats from Billie Holiday. There is something exquisite about her voice - tone, phrasing and soulfulness - that speaks to me. When I listen to her music it moves me, physically and emotionally.

Many of Holiday's songs, like many songs form her era, are torch songs - songs filled with longing. The lyrics of these songs speak to the lengths to which the singer is willing to go for love. Romantic, no?

Recently I was listening to one particular Holiday track on repeat, and frolicking in the melancholy pooling in my heart when I stumbled upon these lyrics:

I'd rather my man would hit me,
Than for him to jump up and quit me,
Ain't nobody's business if I do.
I swear I won't call no copper,
If I'm beat up by my papa,
Ain't nobodys business if I do.

WHAT THE FRACK!!?!?!?!

Needless to say these lyrics gave me pause. What does it say about me that songs in this vein, and this song in particular move me so much? I'd like to think that I'm moved by the sentiment that love is worth fighting for, but going to the hospital for? It's shocking really that this song isn't an anomaly in the cannon of torch songs, but the standard.

Etta James, I'd Rather Go Blind
I would rather, I would rather go blind boy
Than to see you, walk away from me chile.

Edith Piaf, L'Hymne à L'Amour

The blue sky above us could collapse

And the earth could well fall to pieces

Matters little to me if you love me

Ella Fitzgerald, When a Woman Loves A Man

Tell her, she's a fool.

She'll say, "Yes, I know.

But I love him so."

And that's how it goes

"Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man" from the musical Show Boat

Music by Jerome Kern and lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II

He can come home as late at can be
Home without him ain't no home to me
Can't help loving dat man of mine

Songs like these, and their modern counterparts, beg the question - What are we willing to do for love? And is gaining love worth losing yourself? And if it's love, should it hurt? If it hurts, is it love? And most importantly, is it anybody's business but your own?

Beethoven - Love Letters of Great Men

2009-08-09T10:35:00.000-07:00

Good morning, on July 7

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.

Ever thine
Ever mine
Ever ours

This Week in Exes...

2009-08-09T08:41:00.001-07:00

I'm breaking up with you.

Yes, I know, you've been there for me over the years. A cuddle buddy when I had no one. And I can't thank you enough for all of the late night laughs. I will never forget the tickle of your mustache on my neck, or the sweet smell of semen on your breath, or how you'd never hogged the blankets. Even so, I cannot pretend any longer. I do not love you, I never did. You were a placeholder. A poor man's Stalin. I've come to my senses and now I'm letting you go so I can grab a hold of someone real, someone true and someone less Satan-y.

May the memories of our time together sustain you. Best of luck in all your future endeavors. And please stop calling, your messages are pathetic.

The Jerk

2009-08-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Limerance According to Steve Martin in The Jerk

Navin R. Johnson: I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.

I would have picked Duckie.

2009-08-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

Which John Hughes character best describes your significant other? Are you dating Jake Ryan, Samantha Baker, Sloane Peterson, John Bender, Duckie or someone else?

This Week in Exes...

2009-08-07T06:55:00.000-07:00

I wish that I could do this in person, but you are never around when I try and reach out to you.

I can't go on like this, it's become more than I can bear. I thought we had something special. From the beginning, I thought you were my knight in shining armor, and for a while you were. But the facade wore thin so fast.

When we first got together, you were always on time for our dates, early even sometimes. You had that look as though you had just stepped out of the shower, so clean and perfectly coiffed. And you were so gentle with me, because you knew that I needed to be handled with kid gloves. And I really appreciated all of this, you made me feel as though we were destined to be together forever. I was making long term plans for you and I. But then your ugly side reared it's head.

I can't tell you how many countless hours I spent waiting for you, wondering where you were, if you were safe, or in a ditch somewhere. And when you would finally arrive, you reeked of other people. I only ask that you clean yourself before you show up for me. I know we aren't monogamous, but I sometimes think that way, especially on our good days. But the straw that broke this camel's back was how easy it was for you to turn from easy to rough on me. You can't be so forceful with me, it's not a race. A rose doesn't bloom if you shake it.

Again, I wish that I could tell you this in person, but I can't stand to look at you right now. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I hope that you learn from this experience just as I have.

This Week in Oh's...

2009-08-06T13:52:00.000-07:00

The Art of the Cuddle.

Dating Humor:
How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling In Bed

What is the best movie hook-up moment?

2009-08-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

Most of my favorite movie hook-up moments involve rain, and conquering unrequited love. Even though it's hard to pick just one, I have to say the spaghetti moment in Lady and the Tramp gives me goosebumps every time.

What's your vote?
What moves you?

This Week in Exes...

2009-08-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

George Hamilton. We're through. Stop calling, and leaving those pathetic messages. I don't care how much my eyes may cause your heart to soar, or how much you're sorry. We're through. Do you really think after what you did we can ever go back? Just because you've tanned yourself as black as night doesn't mean you get to use the word n----r. Throes of passion or, no. You've embarrassed yourself, offended my family and ruined our love.

Goodbye forever.

Fun Facts About Toronto

2009-08-05T11:44:00.000-07:00

What else should we know before heading up there?

• One quarter of Canada’s population lives within a 160 km radius of Toronto
• Toronto is Canada’s largest retail market
• There are 100 + languages spoken throughout the city
• Over half of Toronto's labour force has a university degree or college diploma
• Toronto is Canada’s number one tourist destination
• Toronto is the largest and most important financial centre in all of Canada and the fourth largest in North America. Only New York city, Chicago and Los Angeles are larger.
• North America's largest continuous underground pedestrian system PATH, connects about 1200 stores and restaurants, 50 office towers, five subway stations, Union Station, six major hotels and several entertainment centres under Toronto's financial core.
• Yonge Street is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the longest street in the world, stretching 1,896 km from the lakeshore in Toronto, north to Rainy River, Ontario, near the Minnesota border.
• Toronto is home to the world's tallest free-standing structure, the CN Tower standing 1,815 feet (553 meters) tall.
• Toronto is the third largest centre for English language theatre in the world, behind New York City and London.
• Toronto's public transit system is the second largest in North America and has the highest per capita ridership rate on the continent.
• The Toronto Zoo is home to more than 5,000 animals.
• Many of today's famous movie stars hail from Toronto and the GTA including Jim Carrey, Mike Myers and Eugene Levy.
• About 25% of films produced in Hollywood are actually filmed in Toronto, making it North America's 3rd largest TV and movie production venue.
• The Caribana parade is the largest single-day parade and largest Caribbean festival in North America.
• Toronto is North America's 5th-largest city after Mexico City, New York City, Los Angeles, and Chicago.

What else should we know before heading up there?

This Week in Exes...

2009-08-05T10:31:00.001-07:00

When I moved out of my old house over two years ago, I decided that it was time that I broke it off with Cable TV. Besides, I couldn't commit the way Cable wanted me to, and I had been making time with a couple other ladies, NetFlix and The World Wide Web.

Cable was always interrupting me, right in the middle of my stories, with a commercial. And then she'd make me wait a week, or longer, before giving it to me again. And most times, it just seemed like she was on repeat, never giving me anything new, just the same old same old.

But now, I can watch an entire season without any commercials. Even after I get all caught up to the current season, I can catch the newest episode online, with limited commercials.

Cable, we're through. For good!

This Week in Oh's...

2009-08-05T07:43:00.000-07:00

Murder Mystery's Love Astronaut off of their album, Are You Ready For the Heartache Cause Here it Comes.

Music soothes the savage beast. And brings people together. This song is a pepped up love song, in the vein of They Might Be Giants. One of the great things about this song, is that it is being romantic while being goofy, which fits me like a glove.

The snippet of song and the video below capture the essence of what I love about this song.

Love Astronaut by Murder Mystery from Pearl Wible on Vimeo.

If you're feeling out of sorts, fall in love.

2009-08-04T21:49:00.000-07:00

"Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who he should be."

Anton Chekhov (1860 - 1904)

This Week in Oh's...

2009-08-04T17:58:00.000-07:00

Progresso Light Soups. It's a hot bowl of awesome. Low in calories and not afraid to share the spotlight with a whole wheat sandwich. I love you, Progresso. There. I said it. I'd bathe in your savory goodness and dab you behind my ears before a night on the town.

You're just that good.

We Got a Movie Kind of Love

2009-08-04T16:39:00.000-07:00

I'm a sucker for those movies where boy meets girl (or vice versa) and then they fight the odds to be together. Walk the Line, True Romance, What Dreams May Come, At First Sight. These movies show us that love can overcome any obstacle. But, if that is true, how come we're all not in these super fantastic relationships right now?

We learn so much from the movies; You can fall in love in minutes, as long as you have a montage machine. You can make a perfect meal, that the other person will absolutely enjoy, without ever knowing their dislikes or allergies. And my personal favorite, the quickest way to win a person's heart is to attacked by some outside force, preferably aliens, terrorists, or Mother Nature. But these things don't actually work in real life. Unless. Unless you live your life like you are IN a movie.

Every time you see your loved one, pretend that you are being shipped off to fight the coming alien horde. And when you return from work, I mean war, you are the conquering hero(ine), coming to make sweet passionate love to wash away the stench of death.

Meals should be made following the 9 1/2 Weeks method; food you can eat raw, right off of each other. And then the love making.

And making love should be done the same way you fell in love; in a montage.

Exes and Ohs puts the montage back in monogamy.

Opposites Attract

2009-08-04T12:59:00.000-07:00

Coming from a military family, you learn to take people at their word and to move fast, because you don't know when the offer will be taken off the table. And you never know what good or bad can come from it.

I was in Fort Polk, Louisiana, when I first REALLY noticed girls. This was also my first REAL experience in America, since I had spent the previous 7 years in Berlin, Germany. I quickly made friends with the standard misfit crowd that would be my support system to this day: The low rung of the social ladder, but we liked it just fine. We played D&D, and listened to Anthrax, and sneakily watched R rated movies when our parents had gone out to dinner. And we were mostly guys.

Being the social misfits we were, we really had no idea how to interact with the "fairer sex." One friend, Albert, would moon girls he liked, which quickly got him a unique reputation around our cul de sac and school. But at least this was his doing, my interaction was thrust upon me from higher up on the ladder.

Kim, one of the popular girls (as popular as you can be when you are 10), who ran with all the other cool "Townies," called me up at my house one night and we talked for an hour, which is an eternity to a ten year old. I couldn't believe it! I had been noticed by a cute, popular girl. We had some class together, or at least lunch, and that's how she got to see the goods! At the end of the conversation, she asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. I didn't even have to think about it. As soon as I got off the phone, called my best friend at the time, Mike, and told him the news. He was super supportive. Ah! the naivete of youth.

The next day, at school, when I saw Kim I went up to her and said hi, and stood next to her and her group of "cool kids." She looked me up and down like I was made of mold, and bright green. The look in her eyes and the smiles on her friends' face told me all I needed to know. I had been duped! A sucker punch right to the soul. I made a hasty but stoic exit to the boys room where I broke down and cried for what seemed like an hour. Mike followed me into the bathroom, where he gave me a hug and told me that she was a stuck up girl, and I didn't need her. I just kept asking "Why me? Why would she play this cruel trick on me?"

A question that I have asked myself with almost every girl I've been with since then.

Exes and Ohs follows that broken boy as he becomes a man to see if there is a girl who doesn't play tricks.

Adonis

2009-08-04T06:12:00.000-07:00

I was in the 6th grade when I met Adonis. He was a bad boy, always in trouble with the teachers never did his homework. He even said cuss words. I kept my distance, being the nerdy goody-goody that I was. From afar I secretly admired his bravery and his ability to wear Cross Colours with out the slightest sense of irony.

It was a sunny spring day at Meigs Middle school when he approached me. Without a lead-in he blurted out, "Wanna go out with me?" In the seconds between his question and my response I explored our life together: I'd help him clean up his act, he'd teach me how to be cool, we'd run in a field of daises hand and hand - you know, deep shit. As much as I loved our future I was still unsure, so I articulately responded, "I dunno."

Adonis walked away. What did that mean? Were we going out? I had settled in my naive mind that he was just thinking over my response and would come back later in the day with, "Please," or "Hey," or "Marry me."

I saw him later that day on the bus. I was already seated and I watched him walk down the aisle, headed for the back of the bus like the rebel he was. As he got closer I decided to say something to him, to give him the opportunity to propose. I chose my words carefully and said, "Hey." He paused, looked down at me and said, "Your momma is so fat, she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out."

My little sister who was seated next to me proceeded to cry. I retorted, "Shut up," as he walked to the back of the bus to receive praise. I didn't look back for fear of turning into salt. The whole ride home I tried to understand why my initial indecision about Adonis had turned into full blow love after he called my mother fat.

Exes and Oh's will explore this and other questions of love in our show. The line between Exes and Oh's is a slippery slope. Join us on the ride.

Give me a break.

2009-08-01T16:30:00.000-07:00

Exes and Ohs is a show that explores the good, the bad and especially the ugly of relationships.

My fascination with celebrity gossip is a dirty little secret of mine. So much so, that when I decided to subscribe to US Weekly, I also got a subscription to Time Magazine so that my neighbors would think I was well rounded.

What draws me to these trashy mags? Hands down, the celebrity hook-ups and break-ups, especially the the break-ups. It's like rubber-neckin' on the freeway. I give myself whiplash flipping the pages as I revel in the very public demise of celebrity relationships. I don't know if it solely is the schadenfreude of it all, or if it's something else. But there seems to be something so divine, so visceral about connection. We're connection seeking creatures, after all. So, to watch a connection break is like being front row at a freak show. It's unnatural. It's life.

It's Exes and Ohs.

The Meet-Cute.

2009-08-01T07:20:00.001-07:00

Our show explores relationships. There's a moment in our show where we show the audience the "meet cute," a term I learned from the movie The Holiday with Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet. The "meet cute" is the moment in the movies, or in our lives where we meet our next relationship in a cute way. And in true rom-com fashion the players are unaware of the impending romance and subsequent heartache.

For those that don't know my heart is like Fort Knox. There are a few people with security clearance, and if you're caught on the premises without the proper documentation you'll be shot on sight. That said, I was approached by a man named Shogun at a Starbucks in the the Bronx. Yes, that's his real name. A well meaning fellow who seemed genuinely nervous to talk to me. After a few weeks of running into one another, he got up the courage to talk to me.

Before shooting him down, I let Shogun plead his case. He began the conversation with a hypothetical question that involved a guy asking a girl in a coffee shop for her number. I was amused by the approach so humored him. I told him that this hypothetical guy is best off by giving his number to the girl to avoid being creepy. He gave me card. Creepiness and awkwardness avoided.

A few weeks later (during which I never called) he approached again. He said that since the hypothetical girl never called, he wondered if it would be okay for him to ask for her number. I obliged.

I don't think this was a meet cute, but the players never know.

Toronto Improv Festival

2009-08-01T07:05:00.001-07:00

Greetings,

Welcome to Exes and Ohs! Justin and I have been performing together for nearly 10 years. But it was only a few years ago that we decided to put together a two person show to see if it would be possible to have so much fun on stage that someone in the audience gets pregnant.

We were successful and now we're taking the show and our super-sperm on the road. We're thrilled beyond belief to be performing at the Toronto Improv Festival this September. Stay tuned for more information.

Always,

Natasha