Courtesy of Soulpancake.com by @doublemew

I'm breaking up with you.

I wish that I could do this in person, but you are never around when I try and reach out to you.

I can't go on like this, it's become more than I can bear. I thought we had something special. From the beginning, I thought you were my knight in shining armor, and for a while you were. But the facade wore thin so fast.

When we first got together, you were always on time for our dates, early even sometimes. You had that look as though you had just stepped out of the shower, so clean and perfectly coiffed. And you were so gentle with me, because you knew that I needed to be handled with kid gloves. And I really appreciated all of this, you made me feel as though we were destined to be together forever. I was making long term plans for you and I. But then your ugly side reared it's head.

I can't tell you how many countless hours I spent waiting for you, wondering where you were, if you were safe, or in a ditch somewhere. And when you would finally arrive, you reeked of other people. I only ask that you clean yourself before you show up for me. I know we aren't monogamous, but I sometimes think that way, especially on our good days. But the straw that broke this camel's back was how easy it was for you to turn from easy to rough on me. You can't be so forceful with me, it's not a race. A rose doesn't bloom if you shake it.

Again, I wish that I could tell you this in person, but I can't stand to look at you right now. I wish you all the happiness in the world, and I hope that you learn from this experience just as I have.

George Hamilton. We're through. Stop calling, and leaving those pathetic messages. I don't care how much my eyes may cause your heart to soar, or how much you're sorry. We're through. Do you really think after what you did we can ever go back? Just because you've tanned yourself as black as night doesn't mean you get to use the word n----r. Throes of passion or, no. You've embarrassed yourself, offended my family and ruined our love.

When I moved out of my old house over two years ago, I decided that it was time that I broke it off with Cable TV. Besides, I couldn't commit the way Cable wanted me to, and I had been making time with a couple other ladies, NetFlix and The World Wide Web.

Cable was always interrupting me, right in the middle of my stories, with a commercial. And then she'd make me wait a week, or longer, before giving it to me again. And most times, it just seemed like she was on repeat, never giving me anything new, just the same old same old.

But now, I can watch an entire season without any commercials. Even after I get all caught up to the current season, I can catch the newest episode online, with limited commercials.

Cable, we're through. For good!